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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

16. For G, With love :) [Neha's to Me]

Dearest G,

You know I love you right? :)

I so wanted to do something really very special for you; something that would convey what you mean to me. But I guess you already know that. I had to literally murder my desire to make you feel on top of the world; as that would have embarrassed you to the core and spoiled your entire day (well, almost). Sigh!

I even thought of writing a post for you and publish it where nobody can see or read it; but again, didn’t know what to write. There is nothing that you don’t know.

Why am I sounding so boring and old? But I don’t know what else to write or say ‘cos you know everything already. And I do want to write something for you, as this is the only way I can convey my wishes to you. Not that I cannot speak with you, but the shy you and shy me are usually at our leg pulling and (honest) buttering best over the phone.

You know what I miss discussing the most? I miss discussing our conversations that we could have had if we were together at the same place. I miss calling us a crazy duo in person. I sometimes hate this distance so much, as it makes me realize that you are not reachable. I hate this helplessness. There are times when I just want to dial your number and shout out my frustration, but I restrain thinking I disturb you all the time.

You know there was this period when TM had got a call and you hadn’t; and you were trying your level best to put up that mask of bravado on your face, but could hide the anxiety from your voice. I could feel you getting more and more nervous and disheartened by each passing moment. You and I knew that you would for sure get a call; but the path between belief and assurance was wider, longer and more difficult than we had anticipated.

When you updated your status one evening saying “okay, it is yet to sink in” and I knew you had got through! I was as happy, if not more, as you. But at that time; one more thought started disturbing me from within – the thought of you going even more away from me. Now at least I can call and speak with you whenever I want; but the stupid me thinks that I will lose you :P I mean, the distance will be widened even more na. But I am happy for you at the same time :)

You know, I love those pokes from you, I love those chats with you, I love to sms you even the smallest of the detail, I hate it when somebody does something to hurt you intentionally or unintentionally; but how I want to get back to them for this, how I want to slap them for that and how I want to hug you and secure you and protect you.

I don’t know whether this is all for real or not; but I know one thing for sure – I really love you the way you are and for what you are. Though you will be really really far from me; but remember I am just a call away. Love ya loads ♥

Wish you once again a very happy birthday :)

PS: I lost the flow of this one completely. So it will run here and there when you read it; hope you will forgive me for this one :P

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