My first impulse was to write about these last days in my Masters, of being a student, of doing classes in a classroom. But I never have been good in being sad... and given the instances of the love lost between us fellow classmates... i don't even have the urge to write about it now. I will write someday and here only but not yet... let time and age first dull away the few poor and bitter memories... right now i'm sufferin' from hell of a hangover!
Right now i'm not sad about sayin' goodbye to all the (selective) wonderful people (close friends or not... sometimes the latter is better, especially if one tends to be gullible!) i've come across in my Department or our cherished Canteen (both of which really feels like home away from home!) because i know wherever we may be letting off, we'd be parting with all good thoughts and the wish in heart, that somehow or the other we'll be in touch... because i'd know, if we chance across each other some-far-away-day, by a road, we'll know each other and smile, talk and remember... because i believe we'll remember each one of us, no matter who we are, where we are and what we are...
Some hopes never change, you'll think with that matured and practical mind of yours, that childish dream which maybe even you had envisioned while leavin' school or college and know to be a thing that never comes true... but i do dream about that perfect world, and hope... (Don't tell me to grow up... being practical and rational is not one of my favourite things!)
Anyways, being maudlin is neither my style nor am i comfortable with it. Being happy, to me is my birth right... and i agree to duel anyone who says otherwise (verbal sparrin' only, please). It's my life and i refuse to spend it being despondent.
CAUTION: From here on this has progressively become more personal... if you have any qualms or have any tendency to be queasy over mushy stuff, take a U-turn... Keep off!!!
But then there goes my bluster... even i get so down sometimes that i cannot bear the weight of it. Then maybe it's because the experience is very new... for i never knew that love can be such that even the prospect of being away from the one feels like, like something's tearing and clawing at you from within, it's like being burned, scorched, only the wound doesn't show and there's no relief from the agony, for it's in the core of you, in the very essence of you!
I won't be upset, i won't be cryin', what is a year in a whole lifetime? There's the phone, Internet and what not, so what's the fuss! I will be talking to you on the phone, over the web cam, able to see you on my screen, hear your voice and...... i will want... i'll want to cross continents, to touch your face, that faint dimple on your cheek, the crinkles at the corner of your eyes when you smile... i will be wishin' for your arms to be around me, protecting me, sheltering me and loving me... A year will be gone in a blink of an eye and there we'll be, right next to each other in person. But i wonder, what will i do in that blink of an eye, in that moment... it's always your face i see beneath the closed eyelids, and crave to touch... And that moment will be longest of my life, if i can live through that, i'll live through anything. Sayin' soothin', big words are part of my attitude but whatever i say, all the platitudes are just that - platitudes... but please believe them, at least pretend to... those are more for my benefit than yours, love...
Hey, do you know what is the most important thing to me, love? You know what it is... (and no guys, you didn't guess right...) but the fact of the matter is i will fight away all of these, 'cause i know you hurt as much as i do, and i'd hate for you to hurt more thinkin' i'm sad (it is the same for me, too). So, no better incentive for me to stop here right now... but then you know, however glum i may become, i am happy for i have you. And since you are smiling as you read and yet feelin' that inexplicable sadness creep over you... let me get rid of the latter... honey, i am here for keeps, this naggin' "part" of your life is here to stay... and just a year and no more, i'm not gonna' give you that much space, hon'!!!
P.S. I didn't write this to make you sad, but just needed to. I'm going to delete this post anyway. I won't ever say it won't be hard being away from each other, but it's way better than not havin' what we found and have. And then don't at all be sad, after all what's just a year in a lifetime, our lifetime!!!
Be with me, love, G. (I can be brave, you know)
P.P.S. A story unfinished. Plans changed. Some knew, read these words, words of my hart, understood my pain. Today we are going to be together in our journey except that one month stretching over miles. A year to a month, not too bad. Even in different cities, being near you on the same continent, I will settle for that. For now. (29th June 2010)
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