40. Heading back

I could pause in my stride and not care what tomorrow's going to bring. But stop to look around and see how beautiful the day was. Grey skies were beautiful, every little thing detailed and brightened by the diffused light coming off the sun crouching behind veils of dark clouds.

I was going home. To family, to friends, to people and places I have known all my life. To the language that  is melody, that falls softly, simply off my lips. Oh, the lure of the soil. I am going home to my mother, my country.

39. You are what I need

There was despair and darkness
And the rotten stench of death
Born out of misery of the heart
And the terrors in disguise
That broke everything apart
The faith, the dreams, the lost love
All felled down by misplaced trust
Given to one who never deserved
To one who wasn’t You
You, who was The One,
The one waiting for me too.
It is you who I have loved
With every breath of life
Even before I knew what love meant
What it meant to live
To die for the one unto death
You didn’t heal my wounds with a charm
It was as if there were no wound, no harm
You were my sun in the crushing darkness
You were my vision in utter blindness
You gave me life when life gave me up
The world righted itself when you took me in your arms
But even before I knew that I was your The One
I knew, you were mine  - the night we watched the stars
I knew I loved you whether you did or not
And I knew that’s what was meant, from eternity and time
One day, I had hoped, I would come for you
Unscathed, healed and pure
And show you my love, my victory galore
But you smiled and said
You are pure, and I heal you
With love that you showed me
I finally knew
I never had really known what love was
Until I saw it in your eyes
Unscathed, healed and pure I was
My misplaced love returned home
It’s you who I have loved for all time
It’s you to whom I have always belonged
This was my song, my tribute to you
I only have the words in me
To give to you, my love
I have no tune to add
But then I remember,
It’s you who are my Music
My Universe, My God.

Yes, I should tell you
I love you unto death
And after, and beyond.
I do. I do.
______________________________________________________

38. Happiness

The funny thing is the moment  I started thinking “happy”, they piled on, spilled over, paraded in by the dozen, hundreds, thousands and countless…

Like a young river overflowing in the rains, happy to be flowing that it bounces and dances over the rocks… the rocks that instead of hurting makes it froth, foam and splash into cheerful waves as the young river runs forth and ahead, ever continuing on its journey, restless and excited.

Freedom and happiness are two states of mind. The day I started enumerating the reasons that made me happy, I realize today that the exercise that was meant for me to appreciate (and one day, teach my kids to, too) life and measure it in small blessings, that exercise of thinking of the good things brought forth another barrage of good things.

I had just been wondering, how have been so lucky? When today I realized, I brought it for me.

It all comes down again to the simple mantra I know, I talk about, I show-off… All you have to do is believe.

Today – I am happy to find out nothing, no one but me is responsible for my happiness. I was happy today to have found my smile. Within me.

Plus, I am going dancing… !!

______________________________________________________

37. The Birthday Reminder

from      Neha to     Sreya cc     Vidhupriya date     Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 1:30 PM (EST) subject     Happy Birthday MM

hide details 1:30 PM (9 hours ago)

2 years! Phew! Time flies. I remember writing 100th post for this wonderful blog, which is or I should say who is 2 year old now.

171 published posts, and I feel proud to say that I have read each word written on MM. All these 171 posts, been a part of so many of them. Guria and I used to plan and plot many write ups, short stories, blogs (yes, we had started KickAss blog, which eventually went dormant thanks to lack of time wala excuse) and an E-magazine. Shrikant helped us out immensely in almost all our ventures.

Now when I think of that time, I feel sad. We are all busy with our lives, no time to do such vellapanti activities. I miss those useless convos with Guria about anything and nothing, how we supported each other when someone turned against us, how we protected each other all the time, how upset we were when we were part of rival teams in contests, how happy I was when I lost to her, how sad I was when she got eliminated. She shared exactly the opposite emotions! Ah, we are crazy!

Now a days, both of us lack time. We rarely blog, we rarely read or leave a comment, rarely talk; but whenever we do, we usually end up talking our hearts out and compensate for those empty days of no talking. We keep dragging each other in our posts too,which all of you fail to notice as you never read beyond words :P (ah, I am mean). Now don't dig our archives as even if you try, you won't find anything as to get that, you have to be either Guria or Neha.
 Sigh! I have got so used to rant all the time that I started it here too; that too on today's day! All I wanted to do was wish her and congratulate her for this wonderful day. Blog is the most important thing of my life today as I found so much through blogs. Guria is one of such precious gifts.


I miss her a lot. And who knows it better than V - the suffering one as she has to hear me out all the time when I keep ranting about how much I miss Guria, what all kidas we did, how hurt or happy we were and such. When I met V, that time too, I must have mentioned Guria at least 10 times a day! Ah, I so wish she was with us too.

Many many congratulations G. For completing two glorious years. I love you. And I promise you that we will meet soon. It's been long overdue. Miss you girl. Loads of love and hugs.

PS: Sorry for the terrible post :( This is STRICTLY for you and not your blog. so don't publish it

36. This Day Two Years Ago

I have been thinking so much about you. You know that, don't you. And I forgot what day it was. It is the day, two years ago, when you left us. I can't ever forget what that day was like. I was blossoming in the midst of my happiness when you took your last breath. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the last person to come to know of the terrible truth, that I was there when the angry winds brought in the tidings but other times, I forget that these two times, my happy and the transpired unhappy happened at the same time at all.

I just hope you can see us from wherever you are. If not anything, hope where you are now gives you the freedom to look at the love that lives on for you, the love that you inspired in all of us. Then, you must also know that it is not only today that we think of you but that you are never too far away from the conscious edges of our minds, and always there in our hearts. Hope you are in peace and are happy with all that you accomplished in your journey to this magnificent world. I hope you can look at your beloved mother and be near her in spirit, with you looking out for her this time, from above. Wherever you are or will be, I want you to be happy and with us in hearts, yours meshed into ours. 

On this day two years ago, you had to leave us. And on this day I tell you, you can never leave us, you stay on in our thoughts, our words, our still-beating hearts as it's your love that keeps us going, that is eternal.

---

P.S. One day, I will tell you how it was my dream that you would be the one to give me away as a bride. Only I had never known that was to remain just a wish. I'll miss you worse when I finally become a bride.

I still wish you were here... 

Sometimes I still wish that the real story is that you are a Secret Agent and had to go undercover without telling your family. That you are still in this world, around here somewhere, just lurking out of sight.